true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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