She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
