I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
