My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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