So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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