I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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