they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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