so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
