If that was your dad, he is hot
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
