It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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