My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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