apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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