pedialite and red bull = repair kit
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
