I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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