I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
