I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
