Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
