I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
