brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
