May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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