I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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