They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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