YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
