Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
