Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
