I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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