In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
