to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
