why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You made out with two different species that night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
