i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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