PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
