Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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