summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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