I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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