Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
