So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
