I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
