Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
