I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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