I smell stomach acid.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
