Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
