I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
