Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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