I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
