Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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