So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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