if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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