I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
