I forgot how hot balto sounded
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize