dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
