peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
