respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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