Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
