i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
