The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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