I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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