she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
