i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
