dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
