trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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