my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize