is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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