the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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