My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
