you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
