Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
