I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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