We're facebook friends in real life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
