i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
