Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
