Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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