Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
