I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
