pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
