You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How many fucks given?
0.12846
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize