i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
