Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't turn off my feet"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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