In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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