"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You left your phone here
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