no, he came in my armpit
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
