FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
