was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
