It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
