At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
