bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
