she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
