Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
