im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
