At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want to fling myself into the sun
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
