Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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