I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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