My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
