Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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