I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
