How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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