Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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