New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
