I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This toilet bowl is my home.
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