me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
