The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
