I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it because I queefed?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
