I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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