i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
