i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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