also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
