I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
