Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
