1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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