after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
