her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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