I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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