i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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